It's Time

It’s time… I’ve known for 20 years that this day was coming. Since I was 13 years old they’ve told me.

The pain started when I was a teenager… she complains a lot… she’s a teenager, she doesn’t know how she feels… it’s all in her head… only my mother and eventually my “lifesaver” dr believed me. After a battery of test, a colonoscopy, numerous trips to a psychiatrist- finally a diagnosis, endometriosis. Laparoscopic surgery to try and remove the endo was the first option.
I still remember opening my eyes after the surgery and saying,
“was it there?”
“Oh yeah” the dr replied “It was bad”.

After each surgery things got better for a while and then it would come back. The constant pain, the backache, the upset stomachs, the exhaustion… it always came back.

6 surgeries later I wanted to try something else. A new dr in Alabama tried physical therapy, shock therapy and a special diet. Still nothing.

Next, menopause at 19. Shots quickly aged my body to that of a 60 year old woman. And you guessed it- no changes.

From the beginning all the drs told me 2 things would cure endometriosis… pregnancy or a hysterectomy. As a teenager neither interested me. I wanted to be a mother more than anything in this world… but the timing wasn’t right.

Once I reached my mid 20’s I was done with the pain - I wanted to be normal. I was happily married to a man who wanted children as much as I did. So, we’ll have a baby. Easy, right? At 15 weeks pregnant I lost my baby. My new dr was wonderful. He said all the right things.
“A lot of people lose their first pregnancy”,
“I’m optimistically hopeful. Everything will be ok.”

6 months later I did get pregnant again and we had a beautiful healthy daughter.
Well by now you know what happened… yep, the endo and the pain returned.

When my daughter was 2 we decided to try again. We wanted a sibling for our precious child and we figured we could buy me another 2 years of being pain free.

It took two years and another 2 heartbreaking miscarriages before we could add another daughter to our family. During this time I also had one last laproscopic surgery. I vowed to my family that this was it, no more surgeries for endo.

For 20 years I have suffered from a disease that few people talk about. 3 miscarriages- that again few people talk about. I’m tired of being quiet and not talking about my body. When people ask why there are 4 years age difference between our girls, I want to scream!

My body has failed me for the last time.
I’m finally tired!
Tired of hurting, tired of being in constant pain, tired of telling my girls I can’t play… I’M TIRED!

I’ve made my final decision.
It’s time… it’s time for the hysterectomy.